I'm single, is there something wrong with me?

When I first started attending college, I remember riding on the bus analyzing why I was single. I was in community college, so I concluded that once I got to state college or got a stable career I would be in the position to have a boyfriend or a husband. One day in class, however, another student was sharing her experience and talked about how she works part-time to help her husband. "Now wait a minute" I thought, she's in the similar position as me and is married. What am I doing wrong?"

For years I told myself, there is something I did wrong and that was the reason I was single. Maybe I'm too tall or too boring. I looked at married women and tried to understand what made them so special to get what I desperately wanted. But that reality is that there is no flaw within me that prohibits me from being with someone else. God is not looking at me saying, "Janelle talks too much and until she learns to be quiet more, she will be alone." Being single is just what God wants for me and there's nothing wrong with that.

A common encouragement has been to work on yourself during a season of singleness. You should do that and continue to grow. But our imperfections is not a punishment and neither is being single. The fact that I make a mistake on a regular basis is not the reason I'm single. The truth is that everyone will need to continue to work on and learn about themselves whether they are single or married. And even as I grow and heal, it doesn't mean that my future husband is coming into my life all of sudden. I realized this when I accepted that singleness is not a season filled with burdens but one that is full of purpose.

So if you are an influencer or a married person who helps single people, don't stop at telling them to work on themselves. Instead, explain that they should seek God to understand what His will is and what He wants them to do in this season. And if you are single, please know that singleness is not a prison sentence for you to serve until you are free. Singleness is a time to thrive and build a community of like-minded people who can support you. I hope that this encourages you to know that your not a failure because of your relationship status.

Want more on this topic? Read my book, Starting With the Mind: The Sufficiency of God in Singleness!

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